A Wee Bit of Netflix Revenge

For those still using Netflix DVD service, a tip for maximizing your throughput for your consumer dollar.

First off I have reduced my use of Netflix to DVD only.

When I get a DVD in the mail, I run it through my DVD player immediately.

I get it in the return mail by 4pm. I will usually get 3 DVD’s a week unless the PO is closed for a holiday.

I realize that many may not have the opportunity of being home during the day. All I can say is get someone to do it for you. There is a plethora of social networking sites populated by gazillions of people starved for attention. Tried looking looking at the Brides Available sites?

Sometimes I have a bonus week when I get 5 or more DVD’s in a week on a 1 DVD at a time basic plan.

If I get a scratched or cracked DVD, and it usually happens more than once a month, I immediately call the Netflix Bitch Line and give them an earful about them wasting my time with bad DVD’s. Now understand that there is NO NUMBER ON EARTH, you or I can call and talk to anyone working for Netflix. There is an outfit outside of Portland Oregon that has contracted with Netflix to answer their phone and take the abuse due Netflix. These people are only sponges to soak up excess anger. They have no connections inside Netflix, with Netflix, and they know no one who works for Netflix. There is only one thing I have found that they can actually do besides listen and read scripts, they can actually place an order in Netflix’s DVD ordering system to instantly order you a replacement disk AND if you ask them to ALSO order the next DVD in your cue as a customer appeasement token. IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN ORDER ANY TWO DISKS IN YOUR CUE. In two days you will get TWO disks in the mail. But no wait! That’s not all! (I know, I’m starting to sound like an infomercial for Vegamatics or Ginsu knives.) After you hang up with the unfortunate soul in Oregon who has ordered you two DVD’s, you go to the Netflix web site, click on YOUR ACCOUNT & HELP. On that page, you will see a section: DVD SHIPPING ACTIVITY listing a hand full of recent shipments to you. On the right side of each DVD Listing will be a link: Report a problem.

This link is where phase two of your adventure begins. This link will bring you to a series of insert screens to determine the problem disk in question and what you want to do about it. As you go through the three or four screens describe your problem, and, keeping in mind a replacement disk has already been ordered, select ANOTHER DVD in your cue to be delivered as a replacement. If for some reason you can’t do this, order a duplicate of a DVD already ordered by Oregon. The next morning at your local shipping warehouse the worker bees will mindlessly fill a pre-constructed order placed by the Netflix computer. IF DUPLICATE DISKS HAVE BEEN ORDERED, THE COMPUTER WILL DEFAULT ONE TO THE NEXT DVD IN YOUR CUE.

There are a lot of words here but you will spend less than 15 minutes on both phases described above.

In two days you will get THREE DVD’s in the mail. Bonus Day. Do not feel pressured to return the damaged DVD until you return the three you receive. You must return ALL FOUR before you get your next scheduled delivery.

Another tip: Mark the damaged disk with any felt pen, by circling the damaged area and write CRACK or SCRATCH. Put the disk in its envelope. Mark that envelope with a Big X. I actually had the fobs at the local shipping point RESEND me the DAMAGED disk as a replacement… even though I had written Damaged Disk on its envelope. Sometimes if it is a small crack, I just break the DVD in two pieces and shove them back in the envelope. Something even they can’t screw up.

You WILL receive a Love Note from the NetFlix Team:

Everyone loves a good Fairy Tale.

The NetFlix Team works in the cubicle right between the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Have fun Movie watching, and don’t forget to visit HollywoodVille for Ratings and Reviews.

Oh yes, I almost forgot, have fun learning Russian, or Albanian, or… whatever.

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